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⭐☆☆☆☆
"Zenotone: Now With 100% More Disappointment!"

Let me just say, Zenotone is a masterpiece—if the goal was to create a supplement that does absolutely nothing while sounding like a potion brewed in a Whole Foods basement. I mean, just look at the ingredients: juniper, hawthorn berry, garlic, hibiscus, Vitamin C, B3, B6, B12... it's basically a salad in a capsule. A very expensive, underwhelming salad.

After taking this for a solid month (because I like to suffer thoroughly), the ringing in my ears remained steadfastly loyal. In fact, I think it started harmonizing with my skepticism. The bottle says it "promotes clear sound"—well, if by “clear” they meant “still screaming in my ears like a malfunctioning teapot,” then mission accomplished.

The label also says “aids in reducing ringing,” which is technically true, because it aided my belief that nothing short of wizardry is going to help this condition. And let’s not forget the garlic—because if the ringing doesn’t drive people away, my breath will.

Thanks, Zenotone, for giving me absolutely nothing except the opportunity to participate in the great tradition of flushing $30 down the toilet—two capsules at a time.